What to Say to Your Visitors if You're Not Ready
If you’re in your third trimester, you won’t be thinking about this just yet. So I’m planting the seed here as a ‘to do’ for you to add to your postpartum plan.
Depending on your birth experience, you may want to have visitors right away or not! And the visitors may want to come in droves. But what if you’re not ready? How do you communicate this without feeling bad about it? It’s something you’ll need to discuss with your partner and add it your postpartum plan.
You should never put your recovery aside for the sake of guests. Childbirth is a very taxing experience and right away you may not even feel it as you are still on pain meds etc. Before you start welcoming visitors, you want to ensure you are feeling good both physically and emotionally. When you get home with your new baby you may become overwhelmed easily as you have to adapt to sleepless nights and a tiny human being that solely depends on you for everything. You may not want to add to this overwhelm by having people in your home and that is entirely ok. But not everyone will agree with us on that one.
Remember, the first grandchild will have everyone on both sides excited. So, you’ll both have to stand your ground – either side can’t give it in, you both have to say the same thing. My advice: you should tackle your side and let your partner do theirs. Everyone else let them know early in advance.
When Should People Visit A New Baby?
If this is your first and you are not quite sure when is a good time for people to visit you and your new baby or where the visits should be here is a guide. First, let’s look at where family members and friends can visit you after the birth.
The Delivery Room
First, find out what your hospital or birth center allows. Many facilities changed visiting rules during the COVID-19 pandemic and may still have a few rules that are still in place.
If where you are at allows visitors you might want to consider when to take your visitors. The first couple hours after birth can be a blur depending on how your birth went. If you do have visitors these should be people you are close to, people who can offer help like your spouse, mother, sister etcetera.
Birthing Facility Postpartum Room
If you are required to be in the facility past 24 hours, you can have some family members visit you once you have been moved to a postpartum room and are in good spirits and health to see visitors.
After Baby Turns Two Weeks Old
Many parents wait for their babies to turn two weeks old before having visitors from outside of their immediate family. This gives them time to get into a routine so they can know when is the best time for having visitors.
When Baby Receives Their First Round of Vaccines
If you are keeping people at bay because you are concerned about your baby’s health, a good time to start having visitors is after their first vaccines. This is often around 6 weeks to two months old. Give the baby a couple of days after their vaccine before taking your first visitors.
At the end of the day, any of these choices can work for you, only you can decide what is best. If you are still uncertain when you will be allowing visitors, simply wait on telling the good news that you have had a baby. Use the first couple of days to get into your new routine and figure out how you feel about this new role. Then you should be in a good position to know if you want visitors or not.
Whenever you do accept visitors, start with those who are willing to help you with the baby. This can mean anything from washing bottles, feeding, and tending to the baby so you can get an extra daytime nap or simply have some adult conversation while the baby naps. When you give yourself a week or two to figure it out you will be in a better position to choose who should come first and how they can improve your life.
With all of that said, here are a few polite ways to communicate you’re not ready for visitors right after the baby is born.
Make a Facebook post telling friends you’ll be out of touch for a while.
Announce it at your baby shower or via social media so that you will let everyone know when you’re ready for visitors.
Explain to them that you and your partner need time to bond with your baby. Something along the lines of ‘the baby and I are doing well, but I need some time to learn how to breastfeed’.
You can always use your doctor as an excuse – let everyone know your doctor demands you to rest and not have visitors for the first 2 – 3 weeks.
If someone comes over unannounced, just explain why it's not a good time. Fingers crossed your baby is napping, so you can say ‘I’m so sorry the baby just started napping’.
If you’re home alone – remember it is your house, you can ignore the doorbell. Or you can answer your doorbell, looking disheveled as a way to convey the message…LOL. This one is tricky, because it may backfire and seem like a cry for help.
Let friends and family know your phone will be silent or vibrate to limit calls.
Change your voicemail or email – let everyone know you’re off the grid.
Don’t tell anyone you have the baby until you’re ready for visitors.
You just say ‘no’. No, without an explanation, that's it.
Assign a family member to say “no” and to answer all the queries that may come after the no.
Okay with Having a Few People Over? - Here’s How to Keep Your Sanity
If you don’t mind seeing a few people, you can schedule visits that work for you and your family. Divide your groups like this:
People who will come immediately after birth. This can include grandparents and your favorite sibling, or anyone who you know will genuinely be helping you with the baby when they do arrive.
People who will come after the baby's first set of shots.
How to Do It
1. Have an Open House
Invite your closest family and friends over, or as much as you can entertain. This is a good idea if you have support with setting up for your guests. Have snacks and drinks, and make it an outdoor backyard event if the weather permits. Once this day is done, you can hole up for a month or a few.
2. Have a Meet and Greet
This will not be as invasive as an open house, since you can schedule people throughout the day and have their visit limited to short spans, for example, 15 minutes. This allows you to still keep the baby on a schedule and still get your rest, only having people over when you both are up and about anyway.
If after a couple of days, you think you are up to having visitors. Start slow, saying yes to close family members first. See how you feel before you give everyone the go-ahead. Even at this point, you should let family and friends know if drop-ins are not welcome.
3. Say ‘yes’ to immediate family only.
Set Boundaries Whether You Say Yes or No to Visitors
While this may sound scary, setting boundaries doesn't have to be. Deciding to have visitors is a personal decision, and you only have to consider your needs and the needs of the family members living in your household. There is no right or wrong way to handle visitors after giving birth, and if you make a decision and later want to change your mind, you can and should! Set boundaries and change them if you must.
You may think you will be okay with visitors when you are pregnant, but after a traumatic birth experience, you may change your mind. Your birth experience doesn’t have to be traumatic for you to change your mind either. You may simply fall in love with your new baby so much that you don’t want to share them with anyone just yet, and that too is perfectly fine.
If after getting home, you realize you need visitors, especially the helping kind, then you should have them instead of waiting.